Thursday, November 24, 2005

Cool it kids...

Hey! Okay, I've managed to chill myself down and out and get over Sunday's debacle. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong; the auditorium was a garden, I lost my guitar en route (it turned up in Calais), Jed's banjo string didn't hold out past 'The Amstrad touch' and at least two bottles accidentally struck me. No matter, I don't want to live in the past - onwards and upwards; we're working on our next gig and this time it'd be great if some of you turned up. God bless.

Danny

P.S I send all of my prayers to George Best and his family. One love Georgie boy - I'm sure you'd love the irony of kicking it on the first day of twenty-four hour licensing in England. Up the City!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Jesus Christ!

Where the hell do I start? it was a bloody disaster! Start to effing finish! I'm so angry. SO ANGRY! No more Mr Nice-Guy. Much more Mr Nasty-Guy. let me just say right off the bat that The Turkish Lad in Sidcup is not a "first-class gig" as I was informed. It isn't - it's a s-hole of the highest order! The acoustics are appaling, the audience were dreadful (and I thank the Lord that there were so few of them) and the frost on the stage kept making me slip over. i'm too angry to say any more for now but rest assured my lawyer will be in contact.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Twenty-four hours...

One sweet day away from getting it all back. If you're the celebrity booker for 'Nevermind the Buzzcocks' then get ready to pick up the phone. The fightback starts here.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Take five.

Sorry I've not posted anything on this for a few days but I've been hanging with some 'homeys' who i think are totally 'rad' and have improved my 'street cred' no end. Me and the Chislehurst crew have been bigging up each other for the last few days so that I can get a bit of an urban sound into Lipps & Co (2). So far, so good; three new tracks in as many days due to the new out-look these young men and women have given me. Bitchin'. With a week to go until The Turkish Lad gig, the set-list is looking pretty exciting I think you'll agree:

1) '(Biting my) French tarlet'
2) 'My heart's not broken (but it's out 'til the end of the season)'
3) 'Niggaz fuck wi' da wrong bitch'
4) 'Love on the lamb'
5) 'The Amstrad touch'

Interval - Raffle (Prize: dinner for two at L' Testique, Sidcup)

6) 'Kill yo' cracker ass'
7) 'Petal powered hug-machine'
8) 'Larks-a-plenty'
9) 'Peephole of the people (part two)'
10) 'AK-47 happy meal to go'
11) Encore - 'Love on the lamb (reprise)' - 14 minute version

This set-list is in no way legally binding and is subject to change.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Okay... Good to go!

I feel better now. A calming thai eye-wash and a dinner of blood sausage sorted me out no end. Where were we? That's right 'Danny and The Paliatives'. After one ground-breaking, unreleased album we were done. I put Earl and "Bents" Mao out to pasture and decided to go it alone for a while. However, I was not alone; I still had to put up with the appaling advice of Jasper effin' Goodballoon. Jasper had approached me way back in early 1958 with a proposal that would tie me to him for the better part of forty-two years (I should have read the small print) and chain me to his bannister for three hours every Friday night (it made touring very tricky).

I'm not saying Jasper was a bad manager, he helped the band get onto Top of he Pops', he helped us get onto Brian Matthew's programme and he helped Terry Watson get on to David Nivens' knee a number of times. No, Jasper could have been a really great manager if it weren't for the fact that he steadfastly refused to pay us. We'd ask for cash, cheques, even postage stamps but he would point to the creative downturns of bands like The Rolling Stones and The Beatles as examples of money's corrupting influence. The legal wrangles went on for years until, in 2000, my contract finally ran out. I immediately renegotiated a new one with him which allows me a full fifty percent of every penny I earn. Who's the daddy now?

My solo work is probably my most pleasing work, although this applies to no one but me. My album of Rock and Pop love songs based on football chants sold very few copies but it is one of my favourite albums, along with anything by Bach. I don't blame the public for being stuck in their ways and unable to follow natural leaders... actually I do: they're idiots.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Way back when...

It's come to my attention that there are some of you of a certain age that have absolutely no idea who I am. Well, for you under forties, I am a rock/pop singer who has had, although I say so myself, not an insignificant amount of success in the music scene. Most people will know me from the 1960's when I had a string of hits with my band 'The Dulcet Lads'. You've probably heard "Disengenious Daisy" and "Crank one out for me (Mary)" but we also had many, many more hits in parts of South-East Asia and french-speaking areas of Canada. It's been said that we were most popular in areas where english speakers were in the minority but you tell that to those citizens of Minsk who fell in love to 'Hold me tight, squeeze me right'; they knew what i was singing.
After 'The Dulcet Lads' came 'Danny and The Paliatives' who were just as successful in their own way, just not according to Arthur Dink at Parlophone Records who decided that we were, his words, "too shit". It is a chuffin' shame that people are so chuffin' short-sighted that they can't see when bands are trying to do something so steeped in irony that they actually ban it from going on sale or even being heard by anyone, including the band themselves. I stand by my own judgement that 'Strange Fruit Cider' was, if not a masterpiece, then a bloody good collection of noises. Arthur Dink! You ruined my life!

I'll gather myselves together and get back to you.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

All is well.

Despite the title of his page, all is not well. Things have gone seriously astray and, as per usual, yours truly has been left with his hand in the beaver. To cut a long story short our new bass player, or bassist as they prefer it these days, has gone and tugged his banjo string out of place. There was I holding an ice-pack on his nethers whilst two student nurses from the Southern hemisphere attempted to prod it back in. Not a pretty site. Rest assured, he didn't get his wages for this afternoon. To see a man of that size (he's nearly 5' 10"!!!) in pain is a horrifying site and not one that I would wish on my closest enemy or my worst friend. If you would like to see it, however, it is available on my premium rate site www.dannystragicconsequences.com. How'd he do it? Well, for just £14.99 a month you can find out for yourself.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Yeah! I'm back!

Hello World! Yeah, that's right: it's me Danny! The Danny Lipp! Blogging to you, my fans. After the recent acrimony between me and the other members of Lipps & Co I am finally allowed to address a group of people larger than fifteen. Unfortunately, due to the extraordinary length of the acrimony (13 years!!! Not my chuffin' fault. Blame chuffin' Terry Watson), I have almost no chance of addressing a crowd larger than fifteen unless it's in court. So here's the comeback, kids... here's the beginning of the comeback trail. The new album is nearly ready, the new band is practising and some of the venues have been booked. Cool! Here's a date for your diaries: Sunday the 20th of November. The Turkish Lad pub, Sidcup. It's time to rock and pop again.