Okay... Good to go!

I feel better now. A calming thai eye-wash and a dinner of blood sausage sorted me out no end. Where were we? That's right 'Danny and The Paliatives'. After one ground-breaking, unreleased album we were done. I put Earl and "Bents" Mao out to pasture and decided to go it alone for a while. However, I was not alone; I still had to put up with the appaling advice of Jasper effin' Goodballoon. Jasper had approached me way back in early 1958 with a proposal that would tie me to him for the better part of forty-two years (I should have read the small print) and chain me to his bannister for three hours every Friday night (it made touring very tricky).

I'm not saying Jasper was a bad manager, he helped the band get onto Top of he Pops', he helped us get onto Brian Matthew's programme and he helped Terry Watson get on to David Nivens' knee a number of times. No, Jasper could have been a really great manager if it weren't for the fact that he steadfastly refused to pay us. We'd ask for cash, cheques, even postage stamps but he would point to the creative downturns of bands like The Rolling Stones and The Beatles as examples of money's corrupting influence. The legal wrangles went on for years until, in 2000, my contract finally ran out. I immediately renegotiated a new one with him which allows me a full fifty percent of every penny I earn. Who's the daddy now?

My solo work is probably my most pleasing work, although this applies to no one but me. My album of Rock and Pop love songs based on football chants sold very few copies but it is one of my favourite albums, along with anything by Bach. I don't blame the public for being stuck in their ways and unable to follow natural leaders... actually I do: they're idiots.